Mormon Jargon

Hello! For those of you who don't know, I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) a.k.a "Mormon". I'm not an avid practicer anymore, however spending almost 18 years in the church, I learned the lingo like everyone else. Some of it is actually quite unique and many (if not all) aren't known by people who aren't LDS. While I couldn't find a video that goes over the terms I've chosen, hopefully, the video above will help we realize some of the cultural points of the religion, give a little laugh, and show you how strange LDS sound to non-members! haha. So, I present to you: Mormon Jargon!

Mormon - 1) What anyone who isn't LDS calls LDS members. 2) What LDS refer to themselves as ironically, usually when referring to a conversation they had with a non-member or when they are mocking something.

Usage: "And one of my (non-member) classmates came up an asked me, 'You're Mormon right? How many wives does your dad have?' and I had to reply 'no no, that's the FLDS!"

Explanation: It's a common mistake among non-members and will almost immediately identify you as most definitely not a member (or as a Jack Mormon). Most likely, we are mistaken as "Mormons" due to one of our books being called The Book of Mormon or the ideology of our religion being referred to as Mormonism. The LDS will refer to themselves as Mormons (unironically) as well, but it is less common.

Molly Mormon - You know that person who is always doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing and a SUPER kiss up and sticks to the rule book like an octopus? That's a Molly Mormon (or Peter Priesthood if you're a guy). They are the goody-goody children. 

The antonym is a Jack Mormon. A.k.a. someone who breaks major rules* and who the Molly Mormon's hate. I should be noted that Jack Mormon's often refer to themselves as such, rather than someone else calling them that.

Usage: "Suzie is always citing rules to me when I break them. She's such a Molly Mormon"

Explanation: This is really hard to put into a conversation or sentence naturally, as it's more of an insult like saying "You're such a Molly Mormon!" or something to that effect.

*Includes offenses as little as drinking a LOT of coffee to smoking, drinking, tattooed and LGBT+ LDS (which are considered MAJOR taboos).

Quad - those really thick brown books you see LDS carrying around. They have all our sacred books in one: The Holy Bible, The Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price.

Usage: For his 8th birthday, Peter got his Quad since he'll be getting baptized soon.*

Explanation: Quad is the Latin term for "four", and an LDS quad contains all four of our holy books.

*LDS don't baptize their members until they are 8 because that is seen as the age of accountability.

COW - an acronym meaning "Crush of the Week" that LDS girls under 16 use to describe their current crush because they aren't allowed to date yet.

Usage: "Oh my gosh, have you seen Peter from seminary?! He's so cute! He's definitely my COW."

Explanation: Since LDS youth are not allowed to date until they are 16 years old, girls will often just crush from afar, referring to them as their COWs. Like most young crushes, they change often, hence the phrase "crush of the week".

Utah Mormon - The self-rightious and hypocritical LDS that make your blood boil. They are easy to find, as they will always announce they are from Utah, act more "devout", and generally act more-holier-than-thou. 

Usage: "Hide your Dr. Pepper when the new missionaries come by, they're Utah Mormons."

Explanation: Utah is the LDS capital, housing our church hierarchy and BYU, a prominent LDS college. It's essentially the LDS version of the Vatican, and while we all hold the state near and dear, it also houses the Bible-thumping holier-than-thou Mormons that we all hide from when they visit our Ward.

Jello and Rootbeer - The only thing that ever gets brought to pot-lucks and parties.

Usage: "What did you bring to the party?" "Jello and Rootbeer!" "WHAT?? I did too?!"

Explanation: It's a common joke among LDS that bishops and other leaders will often put out PSAs that 'someone already has jello and rootbeer covered' for the ward pot-luck. The joke is to prevent people from bringing the same two foods that everyone knows is safe and complies with the church doctrine.Rootbeer is usually the go-to for parties as it doesn't contain caffeine, which LDS aren't supposed to consume. To be honest, I'm not sure where the jello comes from, just that it's an LDS favorite.

Sweet Spirit - The very polite why of describing someone in the church (usually a female) that has a very kind personality but is unattractive.

Usage: "I hear Molly still needs a date for the New Year's Dance*" "Yes, she has such a sweet spirit, surely she'll find someone."

Explanation: Usually used by Church leaders, and is the nice way of saying, 'I know she's unattractive, but at least she follows the spirit of God' in a way. It's hard to explain exactly, but it's definitely an insult and not a compliment.

*LDS hold many dances to help socialize young LDS members. They even have their own prom. LDS are allowed to go to dances starting at 14, but Prom is 16 and 17 years old only.

CTR - A popular actronym meaning "Choose the Right" and is often on rings that LDS wear. The phrase serves as a reminder to always do what is right.

Usage: It's not really said, but more printed, like on rings or posters. Though, there is an LDS children's song titled "Choose the Right".

Explanation: I'm not sure when CTR became the LDS unofficial motto, but I like to think of it like the D.A.R.E. drug moment we had in school. It's constantly drilled into us to "Choose the Right".

I hope you all enjoyed learning a bit of LDS jargon! And like always, I hope you learned something a little bit new! 💗

~ Maryちゃん